Enough

Monday I will be 36 weeks pregnant! Home stretch here I am, for better or worse I have arrived. The hard part is almost over, or is it...Yes my achy back and poor stretched out belly are about to be relieved but then a whole other part of my body has to ache and stretch to bring this baby screaming into the world! Beautiful imagery, I know...

Then surely the hard part is over. But then there are the sleepless nights and poopy diapers I get to relive. Then there will be the "terrible twos". Then, just when I think I have this parenting thing figured out it will be something else. There is one thing I know for sure. Each stage and milestone comes with their own unique sets of highs and lows. We talk about life in terms of phases, cycles, seasons, etc. Its the best way to make sense of life and to categorize and compartmentalize all of the various aspects into meaningful data that we can understand.

As this chapter of my life (mom of one) is coming to an end and the sequel (mom of two boys) is about to begin I am definitely having a lot of mixed feelings and emotions. Mostly they are excitement, gratitude, joy, and anticipation. BUT, if I am being honest I am also struggling. More than I like to admit and more than I have been willing to admit until now. I know how my life works with one child and it's been awhile since I have had an infant and I'm hoping it all comes back to me. I feel like I have so much to re-learn. I am worried about how I will split my time and attention between two kiddos. Landy and I have this incredible bond and I'm scared I'll lose it. I'm scared post part depression is lurking in the shadows waiting to steal my joy like it did when Landy was little. Seriously, every time I feel the tiniest bit emotional I swear its a sign that I already have it!! A little crazy I know...Anyway, there are just a lot of unknowns and I don't like unknowns. Alas, I have to suck it up and get ready because this ride is going with or without me!

Im not sure when I will learn to just deal with my issues head on...You would think after 30 years I would know what does and doesn't work! I try my best to bury the things I don't want to deal with and hope they will go away. They never do. They just lie there dormant waiting to strike at my psyche with a precision that takes my breath away and breaks me down to the core. Add in being tired, pregnant and emotional and its a recipe for disaster. So I shouldn't have been surprised when I finally cracked!

Wednesday happened and it felt like a tornado ripped through me. One minute I had it together and the next I was a sobbing mess. By the way, I am the queen of having it together... Not really, but at least outwardly that is what I want people to think; ALL the time. My husband knows better of course. Every now and then when life is winning I lock myself in the bedroom and cry for a good 30 minutes and then I'm good. I purge and then I move on, its actually quite therapeutic. I hate that my husband even knows this about me. Im not sure why I care so much....I think I just hate admitting that anyone or anything (life's circumstances included) can get at me in an emotional way. I feel out of control and Im pretty sure no one enjoys feeling that way. Anyway back to Wednesday......I sent this text to my husband at 10:51 AM "Please get home soon so I can get some time away. I need some space from Landon."

Yes, in my mind this was the text heard 'round the world. It was a public declaration that I didn't have it together and I was failing. It was a cry for help. It was admitting defeat and failure. I even felt like I was betraying Landon because God forbid I need space... I HATED that I had to ask my husband for help. I semi had it together until I started typing this out. As I was typing the message and preparing to send it my dormant anxiety and stress saw my moment of weakness and chose to attack right then and there. Suddenly my fears were being affirmed in my mind and worse, in my heart.

Immediately I just knew I was a terrible mother, I yelled too much, wasn't patient enough, had un-realistic expectations for my 4 year old, didn't play enough with Landon, allowed too much tv time, nagged too much, was lazy, was a terrible wife with a messy house...In my mind I was inadequate in EVERY way. I should mention Landon was in his room crying because I had just punished him and I was in the kitchen falling apart as I sent my desperate text.

Until the last couple of months I have felt pretty confident  in my parenting abilities and where I am at with Landon. I thought I had my little guy all figured out! Ha, I guess I'm just lucky its taken 4 years for him to decide to change up our script. Since he has turned 4 he has just really come into his own. He is so opinionated and argumentative. And the sass and attitude he can have is shocking! A part of me has been wondering if its me. Like maybe because I'm extra tired and cranky I'm just impatient. Of course this is probably part of it, I don't have my normal level of patience and I can't keep up with my little ball of energy as well as I was before being huge and pregnant. But part of it is him. He is growing and changing and becoming independent! This is uncharted territory for me. So I find myself yelling more than I like and it seems like I am constantly nagging him and getting onto him. I am feeling so out of my element and because all the tactics that I used to use are now futile I just seem to be scrambling about like a crazy person. There is a part of me that knows this is yet another phase and we will get through this and figure it out. Landy is still an awesome and sweet little boy. Thank God that just today he told me I was his beautiful princess! But this other part of me where my deepest fears live sometimes get the best of me and I doubt everything.

So, as I am thinking about the new year and new year's resolutions I don't want to have a bunch of unrealistic expectations. I want to try to focus on balance and grace. I need to realize that the "perfect mom", "perfect friend", "perfect wife", etc don't exist. The allusion of them may exist in my mind but the funny thing is the more I strive for those ideals the crazier I make myself and thus the people around me are affected by my insanity. I remind myself that Jesus doesn't want me going down that rabbit trail, that trail is full of misleading signs and detours, and rocky mountains that ultimately lead to the rabbit hole. And once you fall in there...some weird Alice in Wonderland stuff might go down. So my hope and prayer is I will KNOW that I am enough, that I am adequate, and that I am sufficient. My best, not my friend's best, or the neighbor's best, MY best is good enough. I know this is true for my husband and my son, it just has to be my truth. And thats the tricky part isn't it?

We can know something is the truth but to make it YOUR truth, to own it can sometimes allude us.

To embrace truth I have to deny the lies the enemy throws at me. When I am down the lies that play on repeat in my head are meant to distract me and de-rail me. Even if I lose my temper and yell I don't have to let that one action define the remainder of my day and especially not my character as a mother. If my house is messy that doesn't mean I am lazy, it means life is happening. Maybe the house is messy because memories are being made while I play with Landon. I'll take that over the smell of pine-sol any day. For every perceived failure or mistake I'll think of five things I've done right. And when all else fails and I am at my wits end I will pray to the only perfect parent; my heavenly Father. When I can't give myself grace He will. When I am down He will pick me up. Where I fall short He will make up the difference. When the lies are coming at me from every direction I know that if I listen closely He will whisper truths into my soul. When I am broken and in pieces He will restore me.

Because of Him I get to be enough.

Pinterest Fails & Learning to Embrace the Perfectly Imperfect this Christmas

Yes, that is a dinosaur "Christmas" cookie... and I am a little worried about that gingerbread man

Christmas snuck up on me this year. We traveled out of state to visit family for Thanksgiving so that threw me off a little bit. Not to mention Landy and I both came home with colds and of course I had copious amounts of dirty laundry to wash and bags to unpack... so this year we were a few days late getting our tree up. I am a creature of habit and I struggled with this. Alas, the tree is up and my version of decorating the house is complete! I don't go crazy with the decorations. Not because I don't like them but because I am simply too lazy. I love seeing people's homes all decked out in ways that would make Martha Stewart proud. However, setting all that beautiful crap up also means having to put it away and STORE it somewhere after Christmas. No thanks, I will just look at Pottery Barn catalogs and drive around to check out the hours worth of  labor someone ELSE put into their outdoor light display.

There are really only three arenas that I totally commit to during the Christmas Season.

1. I like my tree to be PERFECT. The lights have to be arranged just so. I mathematically space out my ornaments and need things to be color co-ordinated. I HATE homemade ornaments and there are NONE on my tree. Typically I only like white lights BUT I have given in and added colored twinkle lights because Landy likes them.

2. When I bake Christmas cookies they need to look bakery worthy. This means piping bags for the icing, strategically placed sprinkles, uniformity as far as size and color are concerned, and of course cute little gift bags so that I can give them to my neighbors because I obviously need validation :) Also, I suck at being a neighbor 99% of the time. So, at Christmas time I like to make up for it. I have actually hidden on the floor of my back porch so my poor elderly neighbor wouldn't see me and invite me to one of her church's tea parties or other social events. I am also really good at just pretending I didn't hear the other 90 year old neighbor call my name 5 times. In my defense I am usually fresh out of bed taking out the trash with no bra on so really I am doing said neighbor a favor by not subjecting her to that kind of imagery first thing in the morning. My point is, I am pretty good at baking and take great pride in the appearance of my goods.

3. I am a boss at wrapping presents. I like pretty paper and ribbons and bows. I adore cute name tags, and stamps, and all kinds of different embellishments to make the gift that much more special. There is a scene from "Love Actually" that I can totally relate to! It gets me every time. Check it out if you have a minute and need a good laugh!

Gift Wrapping 101

So far Landy hasn't cramped my holiday style too much. Last year he helped with the tree a little bit but mostly just wanted to play with his little people nativity scene. Also, he didn't seem to notice that I re-arranged all the ornaments he so carefully placed on the lower quadrant of the tree. When it comes to cookie making he has always been happy to let me do all the baking and decorating so long as he gets to eat some. His approach has been sort of hands off, he likes to watch me create. These days are long gone! He is coming into his own as a little crafty elf and creator of beautiful things.

So, this will be my year of reckoning. This year I am embracing all things perfectly imperfect and changing the lens through which I define beautiful things. Probably something we could all benefit from in the pinterest perfect allusion of a world we live in.

The Tree:
This year one of my strands of white lights broke. I didn't realize it until I was already committed to decorating the tree. So, this year my tree will only have colored twinkle lights. The other small strand of white lights I had are in Landy's room framing his window. He couldn't be happier. Okay, I can live with that. Also, this year Landy picked the candy canes....he didn't pick the classic and might I add uniform red and white striped ones I like. No, he picked a multi colored variety with Mickey Mouse pictures on the wrappers. They are strategically hung on the lower portion of the tree where he can reach the branches. Some of the branches even have two or three candy canes gracing them. Not sure what his mathematical formula was maybe its too complicated for my simple mind. Typically with my Christmas balls I stick with a color coordinated theme. In years past its been silver, gold, and red. I have some other colors but I don't normally add them to the mix. Well, Landy had other ideas. My tree is covered in a multitude of colored balls. Like the candy canes several; okay most of the lower limbs have multiple balls clustered on them like grapes. Then there is the glory of glories....the box of "special" ornaments. Landy gets an ornament from us every year with the hopes that some day I can lovingly pass this box onto him and his future wife. He has also received some really beautiful ornaments as gifts. Needless to say his little collection is growing. Normally hanging these keepsake ornaments and finding that perfect spot is something I revel in. However, this year Landy couldn't wait to hang all of the "special" ones on his own. Most of them are airplanes so I shouldn't be surprised.... So, while I watched Landy lovingly place ornaments the same way I do my heart instantly melted. I realized to Landy this was the most fun and magical night and he thought the tree was beautiful. He told me over and over how much he loved our tree. I could see the pride on his face and the way he searched for the perfect home for the ornaments. When I stopped to pause and see the tree through his eyes I had to agree. It was the most beautiful tree I had ever seen. The lights twinkled just so and the ornaments suddenly seemed perfectly placed. My mathematical mind that desires order could see the organized chaos and I loved it. Decorating the tree with him was the best. We laughed and danced to "Rocking Around the Christmas Tree" like a thousand times. We ate fruit flavored candy canes (weird) and I told him the stories behind all the "special" ornaments.

Holiday Cookies:
Landy and I baked our first official batch of Christmas cookies. He of course wanted to do rolled sugar cookies and I had to get out all of my cookie cutters....even the dinosaurs. I guess dinosaurs like Christmas too. Normally I just kind of do everything and I save two or three cookies for him to "decorate" and I do the rest. Nope, my little pastry chef wanted to be involved in it all. He ended up covered in flour, sprinkles, and frosting. And plain white frosting wouldn't do. We had to have white, green, red, and yellow..... And of course after seeing me frost the cookies he had to try too. In general I am not good at sharing a kitchen with ANYONE. Its kind of my sanctuary. Its therapeutic for me. I like to think and create in quiet. I lose myself when I am cooking. Try explaining that to a 4 year old! By the end of it all Landy was in cookie heaven. He even discovered the deliciousness that is RAW cookie dough!! Honestly, I can't blame him. If I wasn't pregnant I totally would have joined him! My kitchen counters ended up being covered in cookies, sprinkles, flour, and frosting. My sink was full of measuring cups and frosting covered utensils. A frosting covered beater  I precariously left on the edge of the counter slowly dripped frosting onto the floor and sprinkles of all colors covered the floor like annoying beach sand. No matter where I stepped sprinkles were attaching themselves to my feet like leeches....I can't stand feeling dirt or crumbs under my feet. During all of this Landy was totally in his element enjoying the moment. Once I let all the messy stuff go I was free to join him and I'm glad I did. I reminded myself that once we were done having fun I could sweep and mop the floor. The dishes would get done and my counters would be clean again. But the moments we were creating together were little treasures I could lock away in my memory for days when he is grown and doesn't care about frosting dinosaur cookies.

I realize I can easily re-arrange the tree when Landy goes to bed but what message would that send? I don't want to undermine his contributions and his view of beauty. I think his perspective is better than mine anyway. The lens he sees the world through is raw and unfiltered. He isn't comparing our tree to anything. Its beauty stands on its own, and that's saying something. He isn't worried about anyone else's impossible standards or really what it boils down to once we become adults is our own impossible standards. While he is young and his mind is free I want to let him experience his own unbiased ideas about beauty and contentment. As far as the cookies go I think I'll keep them for the two of us. Not because they aren't good enough to gift but because someone else might not appreciate how beautiful they actually are. Other people wouldn't know that these cookies were actually better than the bakery shelf worthy cookies I would deliver in perfect packages. Our cookies are just too good to share if that makes sense.

This holiday season is shaping up to be one full of joy and love and laughter. I'm glad Landy reminds me to see past consumerism and the bright and shiny pictures of staged homes and trees we see in catalogs and advertisements. I'm glad that even though our cookies may not be pinterest worthy they are perfectly imperfect  and making and creating them with Landy is one of the sweetest and most beautiful moments I will cherish forever. For now I get to remain the wrapper of presents so I'll let my OCD run wild in that arena.

Here are some little gems from the holiday season so far.....

Seriously better than any bakery display case cookie

How I found the nativity scene this morning.....

I LOVE that Santa is chilling with the wise men....He even brought gifts! Oh, and I just realized the angel is missing and has been replaced by a camel. Nice Landy....Nice.

Landy's world is way too cool! I see the angel wanted to hang with the shepherd and Santa's Elf.

Sidenote: There are so many people who want to fight and argue about Santa vs. the Nativity....My 4 year old just figured this super complicated issue out. Why not combine and get the best of both worlds!! I swear he is a genius!

Once again Landy, thanks for the dose of beautiful reality and perspective!

When I'm Old..

I started keeping a journal for Landy almost as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I would just write him little things I was thinking, things I was excited for, finding out he was going to be a boy, and now I write little love letters to him and just funny little things about him as he hits various milestones and stages. It's funny because you think as a parent you have so much to teach your kids and we do....But man do they teach us life's most important lessons. I was re-reading some old entries and there is this underlying theme of being thankful to him for opening my eyes and teaching me about love and life. Landy adds the color to my world... Crayola doesn't have a chance at naming some of them. Beautiful and rich colors so bold and unique they can't be confined to a name or a label. Its a beautiful thing.

Landy taught me to be a mommy....

The last memory I was sharing with him was about a time I asked him if he would take care of me when I'm old. Okay, maybe a serious question but I did just read the book "Love you Forever" so thats my excuse...

Disclaimer: If you haven't read this beautiful story PLEASE for the love of tears have tissues handy. It's a story about the evolving love of a mother and her son... I'm so impressed that this author and illustrator could capture a story like this so eloquently and beautifully that it literally brings tears to your eyes yet its a children's book. That is quite and accomplishment. Anyway, after reading this book (to myself) and crying (privately) I nonchalantly asked Landy if he would look after me when I'm old. Without a moment's hesitation he said "Yes". I asked him what we would do.

When I'm Old.....

Landy will drive me around, he will take me to the library to read and do puzzles. He will drive me to Barnes & Noble so we can play trains together at the train table.

He will cook me chicken nuggets (consequently this is HIS favorite food) and we will eat fruit snacks together. Oh, and he will get me coffee from Starbucks.

We will go on adventures together. FYI adventures are when we walk in the woods and see the extraordinary in the ordinary. We have an adventure bag and we collect rocks, feathers, sticks, (especially if they are shaped like a "Y") pine-cones, etc....Oh, one time we saw a dead bird and he threw a fit b/c I wouldn't let him bring it home.....I asked him what we would do with it...He said put it on the kitchen counter. Oh my boy...you melt my heart.

He will sing me "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" every night before bed.

Oh, he will also mow the lawn for me.

I know this may seem silly but I was thinking about how special the moment actually was. As parents its so easy to doubt ourselves and beat ourselves up over our mistakes and failures. They seem so big and important and because we obsess over them we assume our kids will too. I think that couldn't be further from the truth. Its the little everyday things we do and say, the silly things we don't give a second thought to that shape our children's views and hearts. Those silly things I do with Landy make him feel loved and taken care of and what bigger compliment than to have him say he would do those things for me. It was like seeing myself as a mother through Landy's eyes....He thinks I am fun, he likes spending time with me, I make him feel safe and secure. It was such a sweet moment of affirmation that I never expected from such a silly question. I know that Landy KNOWS I love him and that is an amazing feeling. In Landy's eyes I am enough. I swear, my sweet boy has stolen my heart right from my chest!

And Landy, know that I am holding you to this...Consider this a signed contract!

One of the last pictures in the book where it is inferred that his mother dies.....'nuff said

Oh, Landy....Thanks for adding the color to my world!

A Mother's Heart

I love Mother's day. For me its a day for reflection. Not only of my own mother but for all the women who have impacted my life. I feel so blessed to have been loved on and impacted by so many strong and beautiful women. In church today we honored all of the mothers, and then our Pastor took it a step further and asked that we honor all women who have a mother's heart. He pointed out that because we are wonderfully made in God's image a mother's heart mirrors Jesus' own heart. Like we love our own children unconditionally so our Heavenly Father loves us. Of course our Father's love surpasses any earthly love we can experience,  even the love we have for our children. I am thankful that we get to experience even just a taste of the love He has for us. I am so completely honored and blessed to be Landy's mama.

Today I just want to bask in the glow of motherhood. Thanks Landy for making me a mommy and for teaching me more than I ever imagined about this life and love!

This picture perfectly captures the essence of who Landy is! I can't wait to see who you become!

Just a couple of goofballs! The apple doesn't fall far from the tree!

Heart Stealer....always has been, always will be!

My Mother's Day card from Landy this year is my favorite so far! He picked it out because it had roses on the front. I like that he thought of me when he saw it. Also, he told Austin to write and I quote: "I love you more than the stars in the sky" -Snickerdoodle Landy

I can't even..... touché Landon!

Summertime, and the livin' is easy!

It's official, the ice cream truck proves it, Summer is right around the corner! I love Summer and all that it represents. The sounds and the smells of Summer bring back so many of my own fond childhood memories. Summertime was simply the best. Summertime and the freedom it brings is like a right of passage in childhood. Summers are when I had some of my favorite adventures and I hold onto the memories like they are precious gems, because they are.

I have a feeling this is going to be a regular occurrence!

Summertime means sweaty brows and dirty bare feet, it's eating way too many popsicles, its chasing fireflies, its endless days of playing outside all day, every day. It's impromptu picnics, and long bike rides. Its picking your mom dandelion bouquets, its smelling like coconut sunscreen and practically tasting the beachy air every time you put it on. It's summer baseball games and fireworks, late nights and early mornings because you can't wait to see what the day holds for you. Its the smell of fresh cut grass, skinned knees, windblown hair, and the sound of the ice-cream truck.
Summertime can be perfectly summed up in one sentence....

-Summertime is always the best of what might be- Charles Bowden

Every summer has its own story and I want Landon's summer stories to be some of his favorite chapters in his life. One of the positive things about moving up North is that Summer is just a little bit sweeter. Living in Naples was amazing and I miss it all the time. It was a perpetual Summer and I loved it, but I can say I appreciate it so much more now. So far, Landy's summer is shaping up to be pretty amazing. There are adventures to be had, friendships to be forged, and ice-cream to be eaten!

Landon has become quite the ladies man in the neighborhood. I didn't even realize there were so many children in the neighborhood. Leave it to blue skies and sunshiny days to bring the kids out! Landy just recently had a picnic with our neighbor's granddaughter. Abby is all he can talk about. My husband took a picture of the two of them sitting under the shade of our huge tree eating their wheel shaped pasta and talking about who knows what....
Oh to be a fly on the wall for that sweet conversation...

This makes me happy! 

Then, another neighbor's 7 year old granddaughter took Landy under her wing like a mama hen and taught him the fine art of hide and seek. Seriously...they were hiding in another neighbor's car. Granted the neighbor said they could I still didn't know whether to laugh or lecture them about "smart" choices! Then, he and Hailey bonded over ice-cream sandwiches and laughed chocalety smiles. It was a delicious moment. I wish I would have captured that. I find myself taking lots of mental snapshots and I really do mentally file the images away. I don't want to be so obsessed with capturing every moment that I miss out on actually experiencing the moment.


Besides, I am always more amazed and impressed by the moments I can't quite capture anyway. Like, how do you capture the innocence of kids and the ease in which they make friends. I love that Landy walks up to other kids no matter where we are and wants to play. He is so brave and uninhibited. I want that to last for awhile. Life.. relationships... its all so un-complicated right now. I want to follow Landy's lead and lead a less complicated life. I want to live in the moment more and I want to be brave and genuine. I want to just be me and be completely and totally comfortable with that. I want to stop over thinking and over complicating life. Ah....another life lesson from my little sensei!

Here are some of our pre-game Summer moments I managed to capture. I know this Summer is going to be great!

Ice Cream Time

Good Choice!

My favorite people in this whole world!

Family Day! We played kickball for like 3 hours! Nothing makes you feel old like being sore after kickball.....

This smile!

It was a good day!

Could nature be more beautiful? I mean, we have flowers slowly drifting down from the trees... 

I feel like I'm in a Dr. Seuss story. I probably wouldn't be shocked if the freaking Lorax popped out!

 The entrance to "our" field! Landy is very impressed that the trees are no longer "maked"

DISCLAIMER....Landy AND I are obsessed with dandelions!

He finally learned how to successfully make a wish and send the wish fairies on their way!

This was a REALLY long dandelion and Landy was enamored!

I'll take a bouquet like this any day!

Even beautiful in black & white....

That yellow though.....

Live in the sunshine, swim in the sea, drink the wild air -Ralph Waldo Emerson-  My Summer Motto

We recently went to a carnival so I'll write about that soon because a carney post is always good! Tonight we are off to a baseball game AND fireworks...there will be beer and hot dogs so I am ridiculously excited. Who knows what other adventures Summer holds....I can't wait!

Ode to Boys

This week I am on vacation! I am in Dallas Tx with my husband and Landy is staying with my
in-laws. Being away with Austin in our beautiful resort has almost been like honeymooning again. Laying by the pool, delicious fruity drink in hand, books slowly devoured with no interruptions, coffee that is finished before it goes cold, sleeping naked because I can because I wont have a toddler sleepily climbing into bed with me at 5am, long lazy days that are mine to do with what I want.

Its been wonderful but I do miss my Landy. I can't help but wonder what he is doing, what he is thinking, what new adventures he is having. I see the world through a new lens and even when Landy is hundreds of miles away he is always with me. I know he is in fantastic hands having the time of his life. I also know he is getting everything he wants (aka pancakes and chocolate milk for breakfast everyday) because my mother in law told me so! I know he is being loved on and spoiled and made to feel important and it makes my heart happy!

I am so thankful for Landy everyday. He keeps me centered and grounded and my life is so much better with him in it. He is wild and free and uninhibited. Its beautiful really.
So here in photos because I can't sing is my "Ode to Landy".

I really need to get him some sunglasses!

We had just finished being chased by dinosaurs at the park when I took this picture. 

It was exhausting running from them. Ha, I literally just realized he has a dinosaur shirt on, how perfect!

Landy and his cake pops! His Aunt Beth would have been proud!

This is how I know I am loved....he gives me this leftover piece to eat when he is done!

Some day when Landy is grown I hope we'll talk over coffee about anything and everything!

Mmmm, I am missing his smell. He calls himself my lavender berry!

Oh if I could kiss that face I would.

I think the Missouri country is getting to him. He insisted on no pants and being barefoot! 

My sweet boy stopping to smell the roses, always!

All good things are wild and free -Henry David Thoreau

What does a stay at home mom do all day....

Wars have been started around the question; "What does a stay at home mom do all day"?
Of course it depends on the context and tone of person asking said question. And, WHO is asking the question can have a lot to do with the response you might get as well.

The short answer is; A LOT

But I have to wonder what the "right" answer is....Like, in the minds of the people asking what exactly are they looking for. I want to ask; "What do you think we do all day" OR  "What items on your checklist would I need to complete to cause you to view me as worthy and successful"

If that checklist includes the following then I'm golden:
-wearing pajamas or leggings all day
-making culinary delights such as peanut butter and jelly sandwiches
-watching Octonauts for the thousandth time
-coloring
-using imagination to create elaborate story lines for plastic dinosaurs
-engaging in a nerf gun war
-going to the bathroom with an audience
-getting a gym membership strictly for the one hour of child care
-cleaning the entire house to have it undone in five minutes
-snuggling on the couch
-taking a nap when my child does because that is genius
-catching up on Netflix when child is napping to keep sanity
-doing laundry for the umpteenth time
-ingesting copious amounts of coffee
-teaching ABC's and 123's

Get it...these are all the cliché things moms do. I know, I am so original! Of course the list goes on and on and I can list all the sweet mushy things too like: raising a human being, instilling patience and virtue, inspiring my child to discover his inner self... At the end of the day we stay at home moms do what ALL moms do. We take care of our children. And that looks different every day. Some days a lot gets accomplished and some days are lazier. One is not better than the other; just different.
The end result is the same. Our children feel safe and loved and are clothed and fed.
NOTE: some days he is in jammies all day, just sayin. And you should know that some days I am a gourmet in the kitchen and I pull off a healthy and delicious meal, and other days its goldfish and pizza. I have no shame about this.   

The point is; we provide and nurture in more ways that a silly list can capture. Moms shouldn't have to justify our days away to ourselves or others.

I am learning to embrace this truth. After working outside the home for the last two years I sometimes cringe when people ask what I do...Like I am afraid of what they will think. Its not fair for SAHM moms to vilify working moms while making themselves out to be martyrs, and likewise it's not fair for working moms to insinuate that SAHM are lazy or less important while they are out "doing it all". We all make choices based on necessity and what is best for our families, we need to own it and stop comparing. We need to stop being envious of what the other has and be grateful for our own individual situations. Sometimes I think it is our own self doubt and guilt, and sometimes even jealousy that causes us to be haters.  A brilliant woman named Amy Poehler recently wrote a book called Yes Please 
She wrote about women on women crime and it was right on. Here is a little excerpt and a lesson we can all take to heart!

1. Good for her, not for me

“That is the motto women should constantly repeat over and over again,” writes Poehler. This applies to anything from the debate on birth plan to breastfeeding and staying home versus going to work. “We torture ourselves and we torture each other [over the different choices we make], and all if it leads to a lot of women-on-women crime.” So next time you find yourself “struck over the head by someone else’s crap”, try taking a breath and remember: “Good for her, not for me”. 
Lets put a stop to Women on Women Crime!
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How sad is it that mom's on either end of the spectrum feel they have to defend their choices. Comparisons are dangerous, they do nothing but divide and separate. They make us hyper aware of our differences instead of the ways we are the same. It's not healthy and there have been all kinds of posts and articles about competition among women and mothers especially. I don't think I have any other astonishing revelations that haven't been discussed to death, so, in the spirit of owning my occupation with no shame or justification needed the highlight of my day today was building and creating the most awesome lego ship/boat ever. The smile on my 3.5 year old's face was all the proof I need that I did a job well done today.

Tomorrow maybe the highlight of my day will be teaching quantum physics to my son!

Go on someone, say something! Please, someone tell me the window idea opening out of the floor was pure genius!

Okay, because I am so proud I even took pictures at different angles. Thats how excited I am that I built this! Also, when Landon's 5 year old friend came over to play I victoriously showed him what I made. I know...I am a sad, sad nerd. But no adult is going to grasp the excellence of this so I have to rely on children to match my level of excitement. It actually gets worse....I couldn't wait for my husband to get home b/c he is normally the lego master but I was afraid the kids would break it so when they were distracted I took it to keep it safe. I may actually glue this together and enter a lego building contest (just kidding).

Side shot

Yes, that is a gun on the front, there is even a space for the shooter to sit

Look at that prop! The artistry is too much!

Okay, sorry. I got a little carried away. Tell me the highlight of your day! Remember...no shame!