|I crazy LOVE this picture!|
Initially I imagined this post would be all about the things little boys are made of. You know....worms, and snails, and puppy dog tails! I thought it would be funny and cute to write about finding alligators in my bathtub.... Don't believe me, see photos below. Thats not all, I have also found a full size duck decoy in my bathtub, also, and maybe the most terrifying was the tarantula like spider I walked in on in the middle of the night when the sleep was still heavy in my eyes.
|This squeaky alligator also provides endless bath time fun/torture for our dog Stewie!|
|This is totally the hazard of being married to an avid duck hunter, this and duck calls! Seriously, they are LOUD!|
|Okay, I know it totally looks fake in the light, but in the middle of the night when its dark....heart attack!|
|Again, the picture does not do this justice...I swear it looked real from a distance!|
Alas, being a parent isn't all roses. Like I said I have felt every extreme of every emotion. In the early months when I was sleep deprived and adjusting to life as a new mamma I felt alone and helpless. As high as I was on love sometimes I sank that low. I had full blown post partum depression and I understand how it can kill. PPD deserves its own post so I won't go into too many details but it was my reality for 8 long months.
Every parent knows having children can test your patience. I'm not proud but I will be real and admit that I have lost my temper to the point where I have screamed at my child. There have been times where I have had to lock myself in my bedroom and cry. There have been times where I
by Annie Flavin
I put them down to rest,
I kiss them good-night,
I kiss all of my screw-ups good-bye,
and I vow that
when they awaken,
we will all be new.
We can begin again.
We can start fresh.
Each and every moment.
If we can ditch
our own hang-ups and hangings-on of where we’ve failed,
and give fresh love
and serious attention,
they’ll rise right to us.
most of the time,
they’re waiting for me
in that fresh, new space.
I just have to join them.
Enough about the ugly parts of my momma experience, they are a reality but not worth too much of my time and focus. I find that the more I focus on the good things the more good I see. Kind of like happiness and love and joy beget more happiness, love, and joy. Ever notice how you seem to find what you are looking for (literally and figuratively)?? So, if you are looking for drama and reasons to complain thats exactly what you find. If you look for the beauty and good in people than thats what you find. We may not get to choose all of our circumstances but we get to choose how we view them. This thinking is sort of new to me. I always sort of prided myself on being what I called a realist NOT a pessimist as my husband would describe me. I sort of thought people who always saw the glass as half full were naive. People who were too happy or positive annoyed me. I guess maybe I thought all my angst and sarcasm made me better off in the world. I was blinded by my cynicism and skepticism. I thought I saw the world more clearly than all those other positive "dreamers"....What a waste! It's actually a lot harder to keep a positive outlook, it takes a lot more effort and work. BUT, the more you do it the easier it is. This is another lovely lesson I learned through motherhood. Motherhood is softening all of my hard exterior edges. I tried to fight it for awhile but kids are like that...they rip you open, expose all your truths and love you anyway. They completely steal your heart and before you know it you are a changed person. The sooner you embrace it the better! Kids make us the best versions of ourselves, they are like tiny ninja sensei's! Is it weird that I automatically imagine Splinter from Ninja Turtles? Side note: If I was a ninja turtle I would so be Michelangelo!
|Hmmm...not as cute as I remembered!|
Lately I have been finding that I am realizing Landy isn't a baby any more. I haven't decided how I feel about this. I mean it's happening regardless of my feelings about it so I just have to deal with it. This age is really sort of bittersweet. I think I'm in what I might describe as the "sweetspot". He is almost 3.5 so he's like the best blend of baby/boy. He can hold conversations and is just so fun to hang out with. He can make me laugh like I never imagined. One of the best parts of being a parent is you basically live with a comedian. Thank God we are past the terrible twos, he rarely throws fits. Although, a two year old toddler fit is pretty hilarious. He still loves to snuggle, he can go to the bathroom alone HALLELUJAH, he's like a tiny cute adult sort of... I think if I could I would keep him this age just a little longer. I want to go live in Neverland with him for a few years. Then, when I am ready we can come back to the real world where little baby/boys become boys, and then teenagers, and then young men..... I am trying to soak up this delicious stage while it lasts.
Right now I am the queen of his sweet little heart. Some day I won't be... and I
may even will see his heart broken by some other girl. I'll be there to help mend it and for a short time maybe even regain my throne. But some day the right girl will come along and she will become the forever queen. And I will be happy. For now I am going to revel in my reign. Also, he recently asked me to marry him and I couldn't be more honored!
Right now he tells me I'm beautiful on a daily basis and usually multiple times and he means it. These days I'm feeling pretty confident!
Landy: "Mommy, I like you. You're beautiful! Okay?"
Like I said kids are heart stealers, it may be what they do best!
Right now my little boy runs around in either his Disney Cars themed underwear or his Thomas the Train unmentionables. Deciding what underwear is deserving of being worn at any given time is the toughest decision he has to make these days. How long does this last...when do I have to retire the character underwear?? Oh the day we bench his VIP's is going to break my heart! Poor Mater....
Right now I am his best friend. I am like the coolest person ever, right now I would say I am his favorite person...when will I stop being cool? When will I be replaced?
Right now he asks me to sing to him every night before bed. Right now I have to give him a "giant" hug, an eskimo kiss, AND a regular kiss before bed. Right now we have to snuggle for at least 5 minutes every night before bed. I wonder, when he asks me for the last time will I know its the last time?? Will it just go by unnoticed and one night I'll realize that I can't remember the last time I sang to him...
Thinking about all of this could bring me to my knees. A full out crying session in my room under the covers could easily be arranged. I could dwell on all of this with sadness but then I would miss this beautiful place we are in. And, even more tragic I might miss out on the next stage that I'm sure holds new adventures and memories to be made. I know there are more motherhood treasures awaiting me. It would be silly to think that we have peaked in these three short years. These are the things I remind myself when I am tired at the end of the night and want to skip the song, some night will be the last night he asks me to sing. This is what I think about when he asks me to play but I want to watch Dr. Phil, because some day he won't ask me to play. These are all the things I think about when I think I miss working outside the home, or when I am tired and cranky, or when I think I'm tired of being a mom...I try to remind myself to live in the moment every day. I am a better mom because of this. Living in the moment helps me to avoid taking things for granted. Living in the moment is teaching me the importance of every day. Again, my little sensei is teaching me so much about this life.
Right now is perfect and exactly how it should be. I'll deal with each stage and milestone as they come and I will be okay!
My life in it's current stage.....Worms, and snails, and puppy dog tails....and then some.
|Camping in Land's bedroom|
|Yes, that is a camp fire...and yes, I will take credit for this...proud mama moment!|
|He has died and gone to heaven!|
|His first kiss and from a princess no less...I'm still the queen though!|
|His airplane collection on the couch..couches are not for sitting!|
|The epic snail race!|
The rest of the photos are just some of my favorites for obvious reasons!
I get to read my magazine and Landy reads his!
These last two...extra special to me. He captures my heart and this stage perfectly!
|My Peter Pan is fascinated with his shadow!|
|Just a boy on the cusp of adventure! Glad I'm along for the ride! Oh the places you'll go!|
The lyrics "Old Mr. Webster could never define, whats being said between your heart and mine" pretty much sums up this post. You can't define this crazy love!