Happy 9th birthday Landy-Bear! It's birthday letter time.
A time to reflect and just enjoy who you are at this moment.
I was trying to think if there was a word or series of words that could sum up this year into a "theme".
This year in particular I have become increasingly aware that you are slowly becoming more of a young man. You are still very much my little boy and the changes I have seen have been so subtle that I might have missed them if this year hadn't forced me to be so present. I am sure 2020 will forever be known as the year of COVID-19... It has been a crazy year for sure. Fear, anxiety, mistrust, corruption, divisiveness and quite honestly just plain old hatefulness have cast a shadow over our Nation. Of course there is a flip side to all of that negativity and I choose to focus on that.
I hope Dad and I teach you to always look for the silver lining, to think for yourself, and try to remember to always look at life through the lens of our creator. Truth is absolute and there is only one source so anytime you are unsure of how to feel or think about a situation consider your source and always go to THE source.
I know this; I am grateful for extra time spent at home with you and your brother. I am grateful that while it feels like people around this country are absolutely losing their minds our little family has bonded together and I have never been more sure of where I place my trust and hope.
When we found out you weren't going to be allowed to go back to school in person your Dad and I were so frustrated and irritated. When we decided to homeschool you I was filled with fear and uncertainty. I was afraid I would fail you. I realize now how silly and small minded those fears were. This year and the CHOICE to homeschool feels like such a gift. I have gotten to know you and see you in a completely new way. I am completely astonished and blown away by the young man you are becoming. There is a saying: "You don't know what you don't know" and I think it so perfectly applies this year.
If I look at our relationship as mother and son it's on a spectrum or continuum and I can only know what I have seen or experienced first hand. So today if I were to put an "X" on the timeline of our relationship I can only know you in a finite and tangible way to date. And even then it's in a limited capacity because you and I have our own timelines. And while they run parallel and intersect at certain points there is still time unaccounted for. So, I guess what all of this extra time with you is showing me is who you were becoming and who you are becoming in the space on your own timeline.
I know you are smart. What I didn't know is that you have the mind of a scientist. You think about things deeply and profoundly. You think in layers. Reason and logic matter to you at 8 and 9 years old in such a way that have you asking theological questions that only God can answer for you. I love that God gave you a curious and brilliant mind.
I knew writing wasn't your favorite thing to do in school even though you have beautiful handwriting so when I would see papers sent home from school with very basic one sentence answers written down for questions that were meant for paragraphs I think I underestimated your proclivity for critical thinking. Homeschooling has shown me you have enough ideas, thoughts, sentences, and paragraphs in your mind to fill pages with answers to all sorts of questions. You just prefer verbal expression as opposed to written. Writing is such an important communication tool so you will have to take the time to sit down and put pen to paper but, just knowing this about you is interesting and makes me feel like I know you in a more unique way.
I don't think you had really covered much history in public school yet so being able to teach and for myself re-learn a lot of history with you has been so much fun! I am so impressed with the way your mind retains information and concepts. As your mom and now as your teacher it is so clear to me that your potential is pretty limitless. I can see your strengths and I know your weaknesses too. I can honestly say that you will be the only thing that ever holds yourself back. You are blessed to have the mind you do. All you have to do is try on a very basic level and I know you will succeed. So I pray that God will give you the drive and the focus needed to push your mind to do all the things it is meant to do. There is no room for laziness or apathy with a mind like yours!
The world needs more scientific and analytical minds who also believe in Jesus.
You happen to be pretty unapologetic in your beliefs and values which is kind of a rare thing these days. I think this is one of your qualities that will make you stand out in the world. You are a leader, not a follower, which also makes you pretty stubborn! I pray that God will mold your stubbornness into an unshakeable faith in Him. I imagine that your beautiful and intricate mind coupled with an unwavering love for God and a desire for knowledge guided by Him will lead you down an extraordinary path.
I see an exciting future for you filled with adventure and a never ending quest for answers to questions most people are afraid to ask or never thought to consider.
So yeah, I don't know what I don't know. I know a lot about you but I am glad I don't know everything. I love that even though I know you as much as a person can know someone you still surprise me everyday.
A scientist is a person who investigates to learn more about God's creation. I never thought I was any good at science but I think maybe I was just looking at it all wrong. I think maybe I am a scientist after all and you are my favorite field of study! We have learned together that scientists are very good at observing and asking questions. As a mother that is kind of my full time job so I guess I am killing it as a scientist. As an expert scientist in my particular field of study I hypothesize that you will grow up to be a world changer. I predict that you will be a man of wisdom and integrity. Your heart and mind will belong to Jesus and your life and relationships will reflect that!
I love you Landon! Keep making marks on that timeline of yours and maybe someday you'll make history.
And I'll look at where our timelines intersected and say;
"I knew him when"
