Stop & Smell the Roses: October 2018

It's that time again...time for another birthday letter!
I can't wait to give you these one day when you're all grown up.

Still my baby

I don't know if you'll be sentimental but my morbid mind imagines that one day when I'm gone from this earth you might be missing me and knowing that you'll have my written words about how much I love you and how you really MADE my life makes me happy!

Ooh, I imagine at Christmas time you, Logan, your spouses/kids, and your dad and I will all sit by the fire with the warmth of twinkling lights from the Christmas tree, hot chocolate, and Bing Crosby crooning away in the background and we will all be laughing and reminiscing about the "good days" while reading stories about your all's crazy antics from the journals I keep.
And by then this blog will have so many stories and memories typed out that when I go to have this thing printed as a family heirloom it'll cost me thousands!

I know this, it will so be worth it!
Also, in my mind we are all wearing matching sweaters...creepy, I know.

Anyway, I just got done reading my letter to you from last year and it's funny to think how much has changed since then but also how much has stayed the same.
You STILL come to our bed, though now it's more often in the early morning hours.
You still ask me to sing Twinkle Twinkle, we still talk about the infinities almost nightly and now Logan joins in so that is really special.
You still THINK you love me more than I love you...Not possible dude.

You don't ask me to kiss your boo-boos :( and this year you are in fact playing football....ugh.

You know what though...here's the thing.
You genuinely seem to love it, and you are good at it...like really good, so I guess I love it too!
And I think there is going to be a lot more of that. You growing me and stretching me in ways I never thought possible, and all the while you are growing and stretching too.
I love that we get to do that together as a family.

And it's good that these changes happen so gradually. Honestly, it kind of just sneaks up on you.

Like football for instance. It just sort of happened and I didn't even remember writing about it last year like it was this thing that would only happen in the very distant future...
And time is so funny like that. Sometimes it trips me up how I can get caught up in the day to day and then it seems like in an instant things are changing and we are in this new place and I don't really remember the specifics of we got here.
Like if I had to retrace my steps I might get lost or even be on the right path but not recognize it.
And even if I left a trail of breadcrumbs life would just swallow them up.
And this is why I write and document and blog and take pictures.
I know I won't remember all the small moments and details that make up the pieces of our puzzle. And, I guess I'm scared to one day try and put this puzzle together only to find I am missing pieces. You don't know this yet because your only 7 but it is so ANNOYING when you go to put a puzzle together and you are missing pieces!

So, I'm just trying to keep all the pieces together so one day when one of us says
"remember when".... we will.

Getting back to you; seven year old Landon.

Again, it's funny...so much has changed but so much is the same.
You are in that age gap where you are still such a little boy in the way that you play and just how absolutely stunning and beautiful your imagination is. In that way you still seem so little and innocent to me. Physically though you are getting so tall and lean and strong and when you hug me all I can thing about is a baby giraffe!
Also, you are getting really heavy. And when we wrestle and tickle sometimes you actually shock me with your strength and physicality.
And it's in moments like those where I think "what happened to my baby"! :)

And, I think at this point you aren't really planning on marrying me... you talk more about your future girlfriends and wife and its good but I cant lie; it stings just a little.
Thank God Logan is obsessed with me but what am I going to do when he grows up!!
I guess I'll be one of those ladies with a dog in a stroller with painted toe-nails/claws??
Actually, we did see some people baby wearing weiner dogs so maybe theres hope for me after all..

Oh, you need to stop wearing a mouth guard during your football games...you look way too grown. And to think next year it's tackle football with PADS and HELMETS!
And STOP being obsessed with the cheerleaders. You're killing me smalls!
You are also a little obsessed with blocking for people...you're taking kids down after the play is over. Where is all this manly aggression coming from!!

In all seriousness I love that you are growing into the man you will one day be.
It makes me so proud and excited for your future. And I love that you push me out of my comfort zone and there is no way I could be stagnate or stale as your mother.
And know this, I will always be pushing you to be the best version of yourself so buckle up and get ready.

I see your potential!

For your 7th birthday we were already planning on going to the Nascar races BUT we won a VIP package and got to meet a driver, see the pit crew, see the hauler trucks, AND we even got to step foot on the track while all the drivers were announced.
It. Was. Epic.

The whole experience sums up perfectly this little stage that you are in where you are still this little boy but I can see your manhood on the horizon and it isn't as far off as I thought...

The fact that you packed and entire backpack full of toys is so endearing, and you brought race cars to the race to play with...heart melted.
But, then you did other things that pulled at my heart strings a little bit.
Like:

~~Eat~~ Inhale a cheeseburger faster than me.

Not smile for ANY pictures...No, instead you opted for super cool poses. Like, when did this happen?

Talk about the day when you are a racer and having your girlfriends or wife come to your races...
I was like, can I still come??

You opted to stand in the line by yourself to high five all of the drivers as their names were called and you weren't the least bit intimidated.

Stand by while your new favorite driver was interviewed on TV like it was NO BIG DEAL!
You are too cool to even be starstruck!

Also, you used to be all about me...now you are kind of all about your dad and I get it...
I got you for 6 or so years and thats a pretty good run but when you ask for him instead of me it gets me a bit.
It's funny because sometimes with Logan I am so irritated with being the only one he wants...
And lately I have really been struck by the irony of it all.
It's really hard to be the ONE all the time and I guess you get used to it.
In my mind I think "OH, I'll be so happy when Logan is through this mommy phase"
but the ridiculous part of it is; a part of me will resent it!

I'm convinced this is one of the hardest parts of being a mom!
We get so down in the trenches giving all that we have and we think we can't wait for the next stage and then funnily enough we are never quite ready for it.

Because these littles don't do it on our time...when we've had enough.
They are so sneaky about it and sometimes seemingly without warning it's like they've moved on whether we are ready or not.

And actually, I'm glad its up to them, because when I am cranky, tired, exhausted, done, etc.
I am not actually ready for them to be done with me, I just think I am.

The truth is I am never just ready for them to be done with me.

Landon is my first so when it comes to him all of this is uncharted territory.
I am learning (slowly albeit) that what may feel like him being done with me is really just a transition into the next stage of our dance together.
And I may not have as much control over our choreography.
While thats hard its also really good because I think I would just hold us back.
Landon will always be my baby so to speak so I might just be happy to stick to the
"Hokey Pokey" and the "Electric Slide" and maybe even "Patty Cake" HAHA
But if I follow Landon's lead I might just get to learn to Waltz or maybe even the Charleston...
Who knows what roads might open up if I follow Landon's lead!

That's my goal with my kids! I always want to lead them in the right direction but I also want them to have the confidence to go off-roading and blaze their own trails..assuming they are wearing helmets!

And sometimes I want to be invited to go off-roading with them but that's only going to happen if I am willing to follow.

Landon, lets go off-roading together and I PROMISE not to back-seat drive!

P.S.
The fact that you got a rodent this year as a birthday present is from your MAMA'S perseverance so you better love me for it!
I love you to the moon and back and as I said on your 5th birthday and I'll say again;
I love you infinity of the stars in the sky, even the ones we can't see...

yeah, definitely the ones we cant see!

Happy 7th birthday to the boy who made me a mama!