My Noticer

My Noticer
There's always time to stop & smell the roses!

Saturday, September 26, 2015

A Good Ol' Fashioned Lickin'.....

I am fiercely aware of the testosterone that freely runs through my home. My dog still has his balls....hmmmm, maybe I should do something about that... I have my Landy and my second man-child; my husband Austin who together are like a testosterone driven ball of Tasmanian Devil energy. In case you didn't know, there are such things as Tasmanian Devils....I always thought they were the imaginative animated creations of some brilliant woman's mind who perfectly captured MAN-kind (of course not woman-kind).

In any event, I thrive on this BOY energy. I love it! I love tickle fights, and zombie/monster chases, wrestling, you name it! I blame it on my own child-hood. Tickle fights and wrestling were prominent! My brother, sister, and I reveled in fighting for our lives against our evil dad tickle monster. Though I have to admit, he always won....we always ended up screaming out "Uncle" just before we took what was sure to be our last breaths because we just knew our lungs would explode from all the laughter! You could always be sure my mom would be in another room yelling at my dad to stop wrestling and rough housing. Now I understand....this is one of a mother's most important jobs. I mean, if it weren't for our interventions who knows what would happen to our children! Because like I said.....we need to remember our husbands are really just giant man-children trapped in big strong bodies and I am so glad for it. It never fails, I can wrestle and play with Landon but the second my husband joins in it goes to a WHOLE-NOTHA-LEVEL..... Suddenly I am painfully aware that Landy's body seems to be twisted up like a pretzel while Austin torturously tickles him. I imagine Landy loosing an eyeball to one of the sharp corners on our head-board while he is tossed around like a rag-doll. Basically, I imagine anything that can go wrong will go wrong. And suddenly I become my mother. I yell at Austin to stop, I scream that he is playing to rough, I try and scare Landy and tell him he is going to crack his head open.....but this testosterone...it blinds and deafens both of my boys to the peril they face!

However a couple of days ago I feel like I won a very important battle in this war... It all started innocently enough. The three of us were wrestling and tickling each other when suddenly I realized my little boy was no longer on my team...Normally we always gang up on Austin and its just glorious. If Austin tries to tickle me Landy comes to my rescue and I have to admit I LOVE it! We have this alliance, almost like a club and its very exclusive....I am trying to soak it up while I can. I think my glory days are coming to an end. Landy's new favorite thing to do is LICK me....

I.HATE.THIS........WITH A PASSION

The more I hate it the more he loves to do it. His eyes actually light up and he almost looks evil. He sticks his tongue out and makes the most grotesque moaning sound....I try to act like it doesn't bother me so I don't encourage him but he knows....somehow he knows that licking is my achilles heel....
BESIDES...the second he starts making his weird noise Austin starts laughing hysterically which only fuels Landy more. Its actually scary the pleasure he takes in this kind of torture....A part of me thinks this is karma on my brother's behalf. When I think of all the creative and evil ways I tortured my little brother I know that I deserve it. SIDENOTE: Josh, you should be honored! Licking was one of the things he hated most and I loved nothing more than pushing him over the edge until he was in tears. Also, I made him eat one of MY boogers when we were younger.....I know, I know, I am beyond evil. Don't worry though. If memory serves me correctly he cried and told my dad and then I was forced while crying about how unfair it was to eat one of his boogers....

Anyway, there we were wrestling in the bed, Landy crawling all over me trying to lick me while I feebly attempted to fight him off. He is actually very strong and of course because he is little I can't fight him off the way I would Ausin. If Austin starts acting like he wants to join in and lick me I shut it down! I let him know he will be kicked somewhere very specifically. And when I say it, he knows I mean it...So he just sits idly by laughing and encouraging Landy.... I thought for sure all had been lost. I finally escaped and turned Landy's attention to his daddy. Suddenly I was free. I left the room to regain my composure while Landy's delighted screams and laughter followed me through the house. As usual I could tell the playing and wrestling was reaching the danger zone. I screamed several times for Austin to "take it down a notch"! Sadly my pleas were ignored. I was in the middle of screaming some more when the belly laughing finally got to Landy. He had laughed so hard he started coughing and choking. I SCREAMED at Austin to "Stop, give him a chance to breathe"!

It was too late....Next thing I know Landy is projectile vomitting ALL over my bed. Austin promptly sat him up where a very confused Landy tried to catch his breath. He took him into the bathroom where he threw up some more in the shower. I called him a few choice names (in front of Landy) and scolded him....I then proceeded to strip the bed and take our bedding to the laundry room all the while muttering things under my breath like Donald Duck...Me and that Donald Duck have a lot in common, although I don't imagine Donald's rants include a multitude of 4-letter words. FYI, I did apologize to Austin later. I like to think I gained some valuable ground that day. Maybe next time Austin and Landy will heed my advice.... And I have to say to my own mom...I am so sorry for the torture we all put you through. I get it, you were just trying to save us from irreparable damage and being maimed for life...

Honestly how I feel about Austin and Landy sometimes!