Raindrops on Roses

Raindrops on roses
and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles 
and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things...

This is your new favorite song. I think its because its longer than "Twinkle Twinkle" and
"Jesus Loves Me"... It was your brother's favorite song too for awhile. I caught on pretty quickly with him and stopped singing the chorus between every verse because bedtime was taking WAY too long. I think that was precisely why he asked for it all the time :) Now I sing the three verses and at the end you get the chorus and thats shortened it quite a bit. Anyway, you ask me to rock you and sing this to you every night. Then, when I lay you in your crib you pull at my mama heart strings and ask for "Jesus"....as if I could say no to Jesus...and I think you know this you sly guy! And, then because I've already given in once you push harder and ask for "Twinkle Twinkle". You're my second baby so you'd think by now childish ploys wouldn't work on me. But you my little nut are a tough one to crack.

seriously, look at you in your potato head glasses...uncrackable

I know for your benefit and for ours we need to set boundaries while you are little, but its so, so, SO HARD. Tonight daddy put you to bed and you decided to come out of your room numerous times and scream for "mama"...Why do babies never scream for "daddy"?? Is it some kind of cruel joke?? And then the dads are always frustrated with the moms and thinking they are too soft but their hearts aren't the ones breaking while their littles hiccup and choke on that word "mama" because they are crying so hard... Its too much!

So, I did what any sane person does. I camped myself outside your bedroom door and cried while you cried. I convinced myself at least 10 different times that I needed to come in and check on you. Then you started crying "where mama go" over and OVER...and thats it. I broke. I decided I didn't care how mad your dad got at me I was coming in. I convinced myself that you just needed a small drink of water and your nose wiped after all that screaming. I came in and did just that. You gulped the water down, I cleaned your nose and then calmly said its bedtime. Did you politely agree after I so thoughtfully came in to check on you... Did you reason like a normal adult.... NO...you saw that you won a small battle and decided to go for the ultimate victory. You had my attention so why not hit my blind side AKA my mama heart.

You said "mama sing raindrops". In that moment I knew that I had to be strong. Because if I sang you that song tomorrow you would cry twice as long. I told you; NO, it was bedtime and because the answer was no you raged out again. "Mama want raindrops" over and over again. I had to firmly tell you no and shut the door and walk away... but I didn't walk away. I sat outside your door again like a psycho torturing myself. There are some people out there thinking "for the love of God sing him his song" and a part of me wanted to because I know that would have been easier. But only easier in the moment. And its the moments that are the hardest when it comes to parenting. Its in the moments of life where patterns and routines are built. Its the moments where habits are formed. And the moments matter. Moments are what we are all trying to create and capture and live in. Moments are what memories are made of, they count.

Tonight was hard for me, I almost forgot about how hard the toddler years can sometimes be. And the older and bigger they get the bigger the problems become. Raising kids is a constant reminder to how important a good foundation is. And so, when its hard and I just want to give in I have to remember that small battles now add up to major victories later.

Parenting intentionally is hard, and these tiny cute little humans are my kryptonite. But, my little emotional/psychological ninjas...you have met your match. I accept your challenge.
I might cry tears the size of big fat raindrops (while creepily sitting outside your door and possibly while you cry too cuz your grounded for the Summer) that you will never know about but thats okay, because like the old adage goes...

This hurts me more than it hurts you! But lets be real, its for your own good. And with that...I just became my parents!